Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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