I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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