i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
