How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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