If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
