My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
