and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
