i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
