Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
