i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
