What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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