white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize