i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
