Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
