wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
