You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
