we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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