i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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