I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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