What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
