the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
