I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
