Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
