The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize