This dress was meant to end up on your floor
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
