Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
