ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm passing your future prison.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Such a big mess for such a small penis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
