Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize