The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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