in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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