I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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