who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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