sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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