3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
