i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I would fuck him just for his dog
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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