If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
