i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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