i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
