Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
