Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
