i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
