So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
did i just pee glitter
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
