Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
