She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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