k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
