Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
