Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
