...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
