My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
