I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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