yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize