I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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