This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
