So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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