Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm bleeding and have questions
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