someone get that fucking seahorse.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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