okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
