Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
