I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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