I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
