I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
