Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
