She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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