You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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