So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
