he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
