Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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