Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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