just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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