SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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