The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
